Mixture of emotions

Here I am- frustrated, guilty. Frustrated with myself. I just cannot study. Its insane. No, I want to study. I try so hard but fail miserably. Its killing me. There is so much. The enourmity of the syllabus should be enough to get anyone going!... but still somethings lacking. Ughh!

And to top it, there is that nagging guilt when you are taking a "break" (break from the mental strain of forcing yourself to study!). I sit on the computer determined to get back to studying after a short half an hour break, but I end up either listening to music, reading blogs, some other random stuff for a minimum 3 hrs! Insane! Then the phone rings. Chat for some time. More guilt. Watch some TV. More guilt. "You should be studying"- my conscience torments me. You would think a good,long break would do the works..but unfortunately in my case I can't seem to pull away. Hence, unhappiness. End of the day - no satisfaction. Thats the worst feeling ever!
:(

[Left in the middle ....for dinner]

Ok so I was an unhappy soul at dinner with my family. My darling mother, even though dead tired & exhausted from work was ready to take me out, to cheer me up. Thanks mom. =) So it ended up in a family outing- walk to the creek. The entire creek was lit up, the usual DSF hunagama. People were about trying out game stalls, shrieking on the rides. Beyond all this chaos, as i walked further, my mind half drifting in thought, lay the calm water of the creek. Soothing.

Further ahead was the "Night Souk". Trust me, you get absoluetly nothing there. Nothing. Nothing at all. Yet, that place was amusing by itself. Bang in the center was a raised platform, staging a number vibrant, colorful dances and individual performances. I spent most of time just observing people- some going insane buying stuff( how could they find ANYTHING worth their money there?!), others chasing their small kids round and round in circles(you just get dizzy watching), and ofcourse the cheap crowd doing what they do best.

Thankgod for my sister! Shopping with her is fun* infinity! We went around to the shops trying on the most ridiculous hats, horrendous bags, tackiest junk jewellery and over sized clothes, coming out of each shop laughing till our sides ached. I felt happier and lighter already. The old me had surfaced. Content. My parents had done their quick round, were munching on something small and were sitting in the middle observing us, thoroughly used to our insane ways!

Anyways now im back home...happy.

Its 1:05 am. Oooh MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! My christmas tree, no taller than 3 feet from the ground stands beside...twinking and shining. Christmas evening at Tanyas to look forward to. My spirit rises higher. Yay!

"Happy Chrismukaahh!"