Here I am- frustrated, guilty. Frustrated with myself. I just cannot study. Its insane. No, I want to study. I try so hard but fail miserably. Its killing me. There is so much. The enourmity of the syllabus should be enough to get anyone going!... but still somethings lacking. Ughh!
And to top it, there is that nagging guilt when you are taking a "break" (break from the mental strain of forcing yourself to study!). I sit on the computer determined to get back to studying after a short half an hour break, but I end up either listening to music, reading blogs, some other random stuff for a minimum 3 hrs! Insane! Then the phone rings. Chat for some time. More guilt. Watch some TV. More guilt. "You should be studying"- my conscience torments me. You would think a good,long break would do the works..but unfortunately in my case I can't seem to pull away. Hence, unhappiness. End of the day - no satisfaction. Thats the worst feeling ever!
:(
[Left in the middle ....for dinner]
Ok so I was an unhappy soul at dinner with my family. My darling mother, even though dead tired & exhausted from work was ready to take me out, to cheer me up. Thanks mom. =) So it ended up in a family outing- walk to the creek. The entire creek was lit up, the usual DSF hunagama. People were about trying out game stalls, shrieking on the rides. Beyond all this chaos, as i walked further, my mind half drifting in thought, lay the calm water of the creek. Soothing.
Further ahead was the "Night Souk". Trust me, you get absoluetly nothing there. Nothing. Nothing at all. Yet, that place was amusing by itself. Bang in the center was a raised platform, staging a number vibrant, colorful dances and individual performances. I spent most of time just observing people- some going insane buying stuff( how could they find ANYTHING worth their money there?!), others chasing their small kids round and round in circles(you just get dizzy watching), and ofcourse the cheap crowd doing what they do best.
Thankgod for my sister! Shopping with her is fun* infinity! We went around to the shops trying on the most ridiculous hats, horrendous bags, tackiest junk jewellery and over sized clothes, coming out of each shop laughing till our sides ached. I felt happier and lighter already. The old me had surfaced. Content. My parents had done their quick round, were munching on something small and were sitting in the middle observing us, thoroughly used to our insane ways!
Anyways now im back home...happy.
Its 1:05 am. Oooh MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! My christmas tree, no taller than 3 feet from the ground stands beside...twinking and shining. Christmas evening at Tanyas to look forward to. My spirit rises higher. Yay!
"Happy Chrismukaahh!"
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Are you addicted too?
What is it about One tree hill, Orange County, Smallville and the zillion other TV shows that have got half the world wrapped around their finger?
Don't we have MORE than enough excitement, sweet victories, lasting friendships, broken relationships, male drama, problems, tensions, ups and downs in our own life? Yet we are addicted. Yet we want more.
It seems to be a mixture of all the above and even more probably. I havn't given this topic enough thought myself, so do not expect me to reason it out on this post of mine. But this is one question that often runs through my mind. I start thinking about it...but thoughts run haywire, some of my reasoning satisfies me, other....? I havnt been able to lay my hands on a clear cut answer. Is there a clear cut answer? Or does it vary from person to person?
Don't we have MORE than enough excitement, sweet victories, lasting friendships, broken relationships, male drama, problems, tensions, ups and downs in our own life? Yet we are addicted. Yet we want more.
Do we watch it for a thrill?
Do we watch it because we relate to ceratin characters? certain instances?
Do we watch it because the guys/girls are hot?
Do we watch it as a means of escape from our own life (hectic/boring)?
It seems to be a mixture of all the above and even more probably. I havn't given this topic enough thought myself, so do not expect me to reason it out on this post of mine. But this is one question that often runs through my mind. I start thinking about it...but thoughts run haywire, some of my reasoning satisfies me, other....? I havnt been able to lay my hands on a clear cut answer. Is there a clear cut answer? Or does it vary from person to person?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
'Ugly Duckling & Me' at the Dubai International Film Festival (DIFF)
Greeted by a swarm of colourful bean bags, my parents, sister and I entered the grassy amphitheatre of Dubai media city. A large screen ahead, comfy bean bags to sit on, weather – perfect, a festive mood in the air, seating – bang center, perfect view, we were all set to watch – “Ugly Duckling & Me”
“What! Ugly duckling & Me?! You’re 17!” that’s the response I got from a lot of people when I told them about my evening plans. But heck, for sure, it was worth it! I do and always have loved animated movies! Whether its Finding Nemo, Shark Tale, Ice Age … and the list goes on.
Trust dubai to ape the west and introduce its own 'International Film Festival'. But, whatever said and done, they've done a good job.
“The programming repertoire of the Dubai International Film Festival (2006) has been enlarged this year with a collection of delightful films expressly for children.” But the funny thing is that there were more adults out there, than children! Everyone can remember a film they saw when they were children, that they loved and that made a lasting impression on them. And I guess that was the reason many older people, like me (who didn’t fit the under-12 category) had come to enjoy it!
The 'Ugly Duckling and Me' is an animated modernization of the classic tale, featuring a street-wise rat, ‘Ratso’, who unwillingly becomes the only guardian of a hatchling, known to us as the ugly ducking. While ‘Ratso’s’ original plan is to gain fame and riches by convincing the world he is ‘Ugly’s’ father, the two become attached through their adventures with a host of cute creatures of all shapes and sizes.
The message delivered is the same as that of the original classic i.e., beauty lies within. No one should be judged by appearance, nor be blindly rejected without a hearing. This new version has been fabricated with a new look, revolving around the same idea.
I say- cute movie, worth it! ( If you genuinely enjoy watching animated movies!)…otherwise, forget it!
“What! Ugly duckling & Me?! You’re 17!” that’s the response I got from a lot of people when I told them about my evening plans. But heck, for sure, it was worth it! I do and always have loved animated movies! Whether its Finding Nemo, Shark Tale, Ice Age … and the list goes on.
Trust dubai to ape the west and introduce its own 'International Film Festival'. But, whatever said and done, they've done a good job.
“The programming repertoire of the Dubai International Film Festival (2006) has been enlarged this year with a collection of delightful films expressly for children.” But the funny thing is that there were more adults out there, than children! Everyone can remember a film they saw when they were children, that they loved and that made a lasting impression on them. And I guess that was the reason many older people, like me (who didn’t fit the under-12 category) had come to enjoy it!
The 'Ugly Duckling and Me' is an animated modernization of the classic tale, featuring a street-wise rat, ‘Ratso’, who unwillingly becomes the only guardian of a hatchling, known to us as the ugly ducking. While ‘Ratso’s’ original plan is to gain fame and riches by convincing the world he is ‘Ugly’s’ father, the two become attached through their adventures with a host of cute creatures of all shapes and sizes.
The message delivered is the same as that of the original classic i.e., beauty lies within. No one should be judged by appearance, nor be blindly rejected without a hearing. This new version has been fabricated with a new look, revolving around the same idea.
I say- cute movie, worth it! ( If you genuinely enjoy watching animated movies!)…otherwise, forget it!
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Picture Perfect!
It was truely a real happy colourful picture!
I packed my bag with all the essentials of a successful picnic (which consists mainly of food and drinks ofcourse!), got dropped off at the Indian Consulate (common pick up point for Karama and Bur Dxb people), and off we went to school.
On reaching the school grounds, everyone greeted each other with shrieks and screams!=) Everyone was aware of the fact that this was our last picnic and hence everyone was embracing it in an over exaggerated way. Fair enough. The bus drivers looked upon us as if we were insanee! Photo session started prompto in full swing. Everone had taken out their cameras and were flashing away!
We boarded the bus once everone had arrived and were soon off to Al - Ain! Frankly, even admist the excitement I couldnt help but feel tired as I had only slept for 3 hours the previous night. Nikeeta, on the other hand was full of enthusiasm and "josh" and was jumping up and down on the seat next to me. It seemed as though all my normal hyperness had transferred to her! :P She wanted to play Antakshari like usual and I was, as Annika puts it - "scarily silent". I needed a few more minutes to get into the "mood" and to shut Nikeeta up all I would do was shove a cookie in her mouth! (that actually worked!...for a while atleast) Anyhow, in the end she managed to get her way and soon everyone was singing...from nursery rhymes to old and then contemporary "hinglish" mixture, all the way.
Soon we reached Al Ain Fun City! That place was just brilliant!(and im sure all those who thought it was a lame place to go initially, think quite contrary now! After all, like i said before, its the company and not the place that matters! And besides, I think we made the most of it!) First we hit the "sky flyer", a ride that swings like a pendulum from side to side initially, turning upside down for a couple of blood rushing seconds, starting slowly first and gradually gathering speed! It completed a good 20 revolutions before coming to a halt! A ride definately worth it! A ride tanya and nikeeta chickened out of, despite all our efforts to make them come!
Then we went on another of the speedy rotating saucer type rides!(sorry cant remember the name) AGAIN nikeeta and tanya backed out! (they were getting dizzy just looking at it!idiots!:P). Next, we decided to on a easy,pleasant moving "swing" revolving ride (tanya & nikeeta felt they could survive that ride and finally came!) Everone was calm... enjoying the breeze as we moved, but tanya's piercing blood curdling screams killed it! She was going insane! Hahaha! It was hilarious! This ride was followed by the rollercoaster ride and bumper cars! Fun... Bump!
We managed to cover a number of rides in a span of 2 hrs, after which we spent money on buying a couple of random small things from the shops near the entrance. Juhi, Sneha and Karishma bought a turtle each! yup a turtle!...named Chris-red jr, Kurt and Rocky respectively. And Rocky was considered dead within an hour (as he failed to show any movement watsoever) but i think he survived in the end! :)
From Al Ain fun city we went to a park, to relax, eat/hog, and played a couple of interseting games! It was soon picture time again!=)(hey no ones complaning!:):P) I think we captured it all! We had the posers, the naturals, the shades!
Unfortunately there were a few sick patients, who have hopefully recovered by now!
All in all, it was one of the most united, happy, enjoyable grade 12 moments ever! A memory to cherish!
On the way back home, we had a number of candidates who got emotional. There were outbursts of tears followed by smiles and hugs from all!
True, in the past we have all had our occassional conflicts, differences but its amazing to see how all of us have changed, put all that behind us and have come so far. The feelings of unity and togetherness among us has reached a new level. The warmth this outing generated, the memories it created will always, always be with me.
I love you all sooo much!
mwaah! =)
xoxo
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Confused!
This is the time of the year when most of us are filling in university applications, choosing streams, subjects, majors. Some of you are really focused. You have identified your strengths. You know what you want to do. You know which job would give you the most satisfaction. You know what you want from life.
What about the rest of us? I HATE the idea of not knowing what I want. Agreed, in the first year of university everyone does a generalized course and one can choose a major in the second year after an exposure to the varied subjects available. That’s what I like about the US/Canadian universities- flexibility.
But why waste time? I can’t imagine not being focused…not knowing what I want. But then again im exploring myself… my dreams. That’s more important. Knowing what I really want!
If you ask me right now randomly – “what to do want to do with your life?” I wouldn’t hesitate and would tell you that I want to travel. Yes travel. That’s what I ache for. But that’s not a job! How the hell can I make a living of that!? Traveling needs money. Money means I need to work. Need to save. Hence a real money fetching job required!
Ok, let’s say I work initially. As per the subjects I have chosen in the universities, I may end up in marketing, finance, banking or opening my own business. So lets say im doing one of these jobs, I earn a sufficient amount, leave the job, fulfill my desire to see the world, explore, travel. Now what happens if I run out of money? Getting a job again is difficult. You can’t just show up at an organization and expect to be offered a job, not after months of just traveling for your own satisfaction and months of inexperience. There is cut throat competition everywhere today. Things do not come easily. So there I am… stuck!
But there is another side to me, which leaves me confused. I want to work. I want to see how far I can go. This is what leaves me in the dark – I wouldn’t mind working in an office, a closed environment. Yet at the same time I love being outdoors, traveling, going to new places. How is that possible? Will I not be able to figure out what I want until I try it out for myself?
I have discussed this many a times. I have got responses like-
"Work like everyone and go for a trip once in year during your break." But then, travel once a year only?! Can’t I make a living doing something that involves traveling?
Others have said- “Work. Earn enough so that you have more than enough to last you a lifetime. Then travel.” Yea right! By that time ill have a stick in my hand and hobbling around …forget traveling!
The only solution I can think of right now is – get married to a rich guy, blow all the money on what I want… traveling, shopping and eating. =) Sounds interesting? Wow…
[Lost in my dream world]
*snap*
[Coming back to reality]
“Ankita, who are you kidding!?"
What about the rest of us? I HATE the idea of not knowing what I want. Agreed, in the first year of university everyone does a generalized course and one can choose a major in the second year after an exposure to the varied subjects available. That’s what I like about the US/Canadian universities- flexibility.
But why waste time? I can’t imagine not being focused…not knowing what I want. But then again im exploring myself… my dreams. That’s more important. Knowing what I really want!
If you ask me right now randomly – “what to do want to do with your life?” I wouldn’t hesitate and would tell you that I want to travel. Yes travel. That’s what I ache for. But that’s not a job! How the hell can I make a living of that!? Traveling needs money. Money means I need to work. Need to save. Hence a real money fetching job required!
Ok, let’s say I work initially. As per the subjects I have chosen in the universities, I may end up in marketing, finance, banking or opening my own business. So lets say im doing one of these jobs, I earn a sufficient amount, leave the job, fulfill my desire to see the world, explore, travel. Now what happens if I run out of money? Getting a job again is difficult. You can’t just show up at an organization and expect to be offered a job, not after months of just traveling for your own satisfaction and months of inexperience. There is cut throat competition everywhere today. Things do not come easily. So there I am… stuck!
But there is another side to me, which leaves me confused. I want to work. I want to see how far I can go. This is what leaves me in the dark – I wouldn’t mind working in an office, a closed environment. Yet at the same time I love being outdoors, traveling, going to new places. How is that possible? Will I not be able to figure out what I want until I try it out for myself?
I have discussed this many a times. I have got responses like-
"Work like everyone and go for a trip once in year during your break." But then, travel once a year only?! Can’t I make a living doing something that involves traveling?
Others have said- “Work. Earn enough so that you have more than enough to last you a lifetime. Then travel.” Yea right! By that time ill have a stick in my hand and hobbling around …forget traveling!
The only solution I can think of right now is – get married to a rich guy, blow all the money on what I want… traveling, shopping and eating. =) Sounds interesting? Wow…
[Lost in my dream world]
*snap*
[Coming back to reality]
“Ankita, who are you kidding!?"
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Love it or hate it?
Winter! Winter! Winter!
I dont know whether to love it or hate it!
Mornings - hate it!
Reason? Can never NEVER get myself to get out of my warm, cosy bed! I just dont have the heart to remove that blanket from over myself and put my bare feet on the coollldddd solid ground. I have to be literally dragged out of bed. After which i dash for the warm blissful shower that awaits me! Can you pull yourself out of that too? No! Result? Miss the bus! Well, missing the bus is not really new in my world. Practically every other day I have to walk to the Pyramids bldg within 5 minutes after its left my stop, to catch it there. Not that the distance is long but then even in the so called dubai "winter" its cold!... and you just don't feel like making that extra effort! (Don't know how I will ever survive Canada!) *sigh*
During the course of the day- love it!
The feeling of standing under the sun, with a chilly breeze in the air, is heavenly. the evenings... pleasant and inviting. (make use of it!)
Night - love it!
After a days work, involving physical and mental exhaustion ... there is nothing like looking forward to jumping into your warmm bed AGAIN! =)
Once you're under your comfy blanket, just mock your surroundings (at their misfortune to bear the cold) and feel pleasantly satisfied with yourself, for no real reason watsoever.
And then?
Well i dont know... bcos im fast asleep :) :P
I dont know whether to love it or hate it!
Mornings - hate it!
Reason? Can never NEVER get myself to get out of my warm, cosy bed! I just dont have the heart to remove that blanket from over myself and put my bare feet on the coollldddd solid ground. I have to be literally dragged out of bed. After which i dash for the warm blissful shower that awaits me! Can you pull yourself out of that too? No! Result? Miss the bus! Well, missing the bus is not really new in my world. Practically every other day I have to walk to the Pyramids bldg within 5 minutes after its left my stop, to catch it there. Not that the distance is long but then even in the so called dubai "winter" its cold!... and you just don't feel like making that extra effort! (Don't know how I will ever survive Canada!) *sigh*
During the course of the day- love it!
The feeling of standing under the sun, with a chilly breeze in the air, is heavenly. the evenings... pleasant and inviting. (make use of it!)
Night - love it!
After a days work, involving physical and mental exhaustion ... there is nothing like looking forward to jumping into your warmm bed AGAIN! =)
Once you're under your comfy blanket, just mock your surroundings (at their misfortune to bear the cold) and feel pleasantly satisfied with yourself, for no real reason watsoever.
And then?
Well i dont know... bcos im fast asleep :) :P
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Why now?
From left to right- Shrishti, Sunita,
Nikita, me, Avani and Annika
Neither am I a voracious reader nor a fluent writer. Then why am I creating a 'blog'? A number of people have tried to convince me to start writing a blog, but somehow i never really really wanted one...until now. What created this sudden want? I dunno.The process was gradual. Firstly, reading blogs is really addictive! But no, it requires more than just enjoying reading to want to start one.
The first time I actually WANTED my own blog, was when i was walking back to the school bus from Nikita Hari's house. Nikita Hari,(as most of you MHS people know) is an 18- year-old girl suffering from kidney failure. I was awestruck by her. Really! Her attitude, her personality and determination to face each day with such energy inspired me!
Four of us, Annika, Sunita,Shrishti and I had gone to present the money collected, on behalf of the school,to her, for her kidney transplant. We went to her house in Ajman. She was soo brilliantly easy to talk to! Not only her, her entire family. Converstaions first started off with general discussions relating to school (as our exams were starting the next day) and we couldnt help but groan about the upcoming exam torture, then it proceeded to sports and slowly she began telling us of her life... her daily rountine...which silenced us all.
The description of the exhilirating pain she suffered scared me first. Nikhita gets up at 4 o'clock twice a week to leave her house at 5, to go to welcare hospital (where she is treated). Her treatment starts at 6. It is a 4 hour painful process. She has a tube inserted at her shoulder. The tube is to remain permanently there,till she is cured. She is injected with fluids regularly and several pricks. She does this all without a complaint because she knows she wants nothing more than leading a normal life!
After ALL that she attends school, catches up with her work(thanks to her best friend who has decided to stay with her in her house till she has fully recovered... even during their exams ...teaching her on all that she has missed. Now how many friends would do that!?) There are days she experiances unbearable pain, frequent black outs... yet she gets up each day saying one line - "I have to get through this day no matter what!" She takes each day at a time. Briiliant! I could sense her determination and courage reflecting in her words... her eyes! She had her dreams that she wished to fulfill, just like all of us. Her attitude made me think of the number of times I have whined and cribbed about, for probably the most trivial matters, the number of times I have bought the hospital roof down just for a measly blood test! She had that drive in her, that warm, overflowing energy that stimulated my soul!
Soon it was time to leave and get back to school. We hugged her, expressed our pure admiration at her courage,enthusiasm and determination, wished her all the best for her future, exchanged numbers and emails (for that was no way going to be the last time we spoke to her!) She was such a darling, we promised to stay in touch (and we have=)).
As I waslked down to the bus that day...I felt this intense desire to share this experience and my feelings with someone. And as of from nowhere ... the answer came to me as- "a blog!". The best way to write about your experiances, to interact and exchange views! Who cares about being a good writer or watever! And hence tadadaaaa! Presenting my blog =)
Moreover, for this reason I decided to dedicate my first blog entry to Nikita. Hope she recovers soon and is back with all of us to live her life to the fullest and achieve her dreams!
PS- Did not start the blog on that day because of the approaching exams! Did not want any FURTHER distractions! Anyways its never too late :P
Nikita, me, Avani and Annika
Neither am I a voracious reader nor a fluent writer. Then why am I creating a 'blog'? A number of people have tried to convince me to start writing a blog, but somehow i never really really wanted one...until now. What created this sudden want? I dunno.The process was gradual. Firstly, reading blogs is really addictive! But no, it requires more than just enjoying reading to want to start one.
The first time I actually WANTED my own blog, was when i was walking back to the school bus from Nikita Hari's house. Nikita Hari,(as most of you MHS people know) is an 18- year-old girl suffering from kidney failure. I was awestruck by her. Really! Her attitude, her personality and determination to face each day with such energy inspired me!
Four of us, Annika, Sunita,Shrishti and I had gone to present the money collected, on behalf of the school,to her, for her kidney transplant. We went to her house in Ajman. She was soo brilliantly easy to talk to! Not only her, her entire family. Converstaions first started off with general discussions relating to school (as our exams were starting the next day) and we couldnt help but groan about the upcoming exam torture, then it proceeded to sports and slowly she began telling us of her life... her daily rountine...which silenced us all.
The description of the exhilirating pain she suffered scared me first. Nikhita gets up at 4 o'clock twice a week to leave her house at 5, to go to welcare hospital (where she is treated). Her treatment starts at 6. It is a 4 hour painful process. She has a tube inserted at her shoulder. The tube is to remain permanently there,till she is cured. She is injected with fluids regularly and several pricks. She does this all without a complaint because she knows she wants nothing more than leading a normal life!
After ALL that she attends school, catches up with her work(thanks to her best friend who has decided to stay with her in her house till she has fully recovered... even during their exams ...teaching her on all that she has missed. Now how many friends would do that!?) There are days she experiances unbearable pain, frequent black outs... yet she gets up each day saying one line - "I have to get through this day no matter what!" She takes each day at a time. Briiliant! I could sense her determination and courage reflecting in her words... her eyes! She had her dreams that she wished to fulfill, just like all of us. Her attitude made me think of the number of times I have whined and cribbed about, for probably the most trivial matters, the number of times I have bought the hospital roof down just for a measly blood test! She had that drive in her, that warm, overflowing energy that stimulated my soul!
Soon it was time to leave and get back to school. We hugged her, expressed our pure admiration at her courage,enthusiasm and determination, wished her all the best for her future, exchanged numbers and emails (for that was no way going to be the last time we spoke to her!) She was such a darling, we promised to stay in touch (and we have=)).
As I waslked down to the bus that day...I felt this intense desire to share this experience and my feelings with someone. And as of from nowhere ... the answer came to me as- "a blog!". The best way to write about your experiances, to interact and exchange views! Who cares about being a good writer or watever! And hence tadadaaaa! Presenting my blog =)
Moreover, for this reason I decided to dedicate my first blog entry to Nikita. Hope she recovers soon and is back with all of us to live her life to the fullest and achieve her dreams!
PS- Did not start the blog on that day because of the approaching exams! Did not want any FURTHER distractions! Anyways its never too late :P
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